Surviving Sainthood

Tangled Thoughts

2010-10-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

I practice yarn therapy, especially when the weather turns chill like it has been.

It's October and already I'm starting too late I know. I look through my pattern books and feel that thril of knowing that this or that item would be perfect for a Christmas present. Let's face it, I should probably start this in spring. Or maybe January? Because with so many children, with so many people I love, I want to make something for everybody.

I spent the last couple of days in yarn aisles at craft stores. Does anyone beside me walk along sampling textures with outstretched fingers? It's a treat for the eyes and a place of dreams. Spotting that color that's just perfect and then rummaging through that mental rolodex trying to match yarn to pattern to person. Sometimes I think I should shop with my Annie's Attic catalog in hand because so few stores have the variety of patterns I crave. But even so, I remember and come home and order gleefully because this is the kind of matchmaking I love the most.

Yes therapy.

Because as I pick up my crochet hook the world falls away. I can take a deep breath and CREATE.

What do you love to create?

Does your life have meaning?

2010-09-12T15:55:00.001-07:00

The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews

You matter.
You make a difference.
Your life has meaning.

Who of us doesn’t need to hear those words? In this charming book that is small in size, there’s a great big message. The author tells us gently and simply our lives have purpose. Beautifully illustrated, this book doesn’t take long to read but you’ll find yourself wanting to linger over the pictures, cherishing each image as you absorb each word of this important book.

Because yes, this book is important.

I read this book on one of those days where work was piling up on my desk and everything seemed to go wrong. It was a hurry up and get it done right now day and I was starting to question whether the small repetitive tasks that made up my workload had any impact at all.

I’m thankful that I pulled out this book with my lunch. I finished it quickly and then went back and read it again.

I matter.
I make a difference.
My life has meaning.

After finishing both lunch and book I was able to return to my work renewed, looking at each item on my desk with new eyes.

Sometimes the right thing said at the right moment can make all the difference in this world. This book did just that. Do yourself a favor and find a copy for yourself. You’ll be glad you did!

Fearless: Live Your Life Without Fear by Max Lucado

2010-08-22T15:49:00.001-07:00

This is one of those books that everyone needs to read. Everyone has fear at some point in their lives, whether it’s anxiety over a certain situation or worries about those things beyond our control. Max Lucado takes on those fears chapter by chapter in this amazing book, giving the scriptural answer to the fears we face.

What I appreciated most about this book was the fact that Mr. Lucado never once put the reader down for experiencing any of these fears. As a person prone to a bit of anxiety from time to time, I’ve been given the pat answer too many times of “Just don’t worry.” Instead he expressed understanding for feeling the way we do, alongside a gentle answer. As I read I felt my life sliding back into perspective, and learning indeed, to lay aside fear and focus again on the Savior who has taken away our need to be afraid.

This is indeed a book I would recommend strongly to anyone. Max Lucado has proven again to be an authority worth listening to, and a guide to the troubled Christian.

Surviving 2010? Prognosis Good!

2010-01-02T23:44:00.000-08:00

Ah! Bliss! We’ve made it another year!

Perhaps you laugh at reading that. Quite honestly I laughed in writing it. But what better way to describe 2009 than a year of hanging on…for dear life sometimes…to my Father God, with eyes tightly closed.

Survival is a funny topic for a new year when so many goals out there look like plans to THRIVE. But quite honestly, sometimes all you can do is survive. And when you’ve got a family as…well…complex….as mine, perhaps you can understand why.

Oh, I know what I’m talking about. In my household alone we’ve got mental illness ranging from depression to anxiety to a short stop in the world of bi-polar. There are two children (we know of) on the autism spectrum and a little dyslexia on the youngest for good measure. Add to that some health complications: Fibromyalgia (mine) and diabetes (his) you've got more on your plate than you know what to do with.

Then add to that the usual bits and dabs into financial trouble (don’t we all have a touch of that right now) and there just plain not being ENOUGH hours in the day…oy, we might as well go back to bed and stay there until next year, hoping that it’s all going to go away somehow.

OK that’s not going to work. And besides, I’m a much more optimistic person than that.

After all, put of surviving is the realization that we are actually thriving simply because we're doing it. It just doesn’t look like everybody else’s definition of the word.

So this year is going to be good. I know that because God is still on his throne in heaven…and is also right here with me and you and everyone else. He’s got our backs…and a whole lot more besides.

Here’s to a Happy New Year…whatever it brings.

Question: What makes you optimistic about the New Year?

REVIEW: Find Your Strongest Life by Marcus Buckingham

2009-10-06T00:51:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to find Success during these economic times?

In the new book, “Find Your Strongest Life” by Marcus Buckingham, we learn success comes in living a life that’s STRONG, and that doesn’t always translate to money or power.

How do you define Strength?

Marcus teaches us to look at ourselves through new eyes as we examine some very basic truths. Quite simply, that there are moments in your life that leave you drained, while others energize. And it’s by examining those energizing moments – these STRONG MOMENTS, and understanding how to create them, that one finds true success.

I was skeptical as I sat down with this book. Still, I dedicated a week to the project, but found the book so easy to read that I devoured it in days. What followed was some heavy analysis of my life. By the time the week ended, I had a new course of action, and was excited about where I was going for the first time in months.

No, there haven’t been any miracles. But with the optimism that comes from reading about plenty of other women that found what they were looking for, I felt that I at leave have a chance. With a fresh mindset, and a new way of looking at the choices that confront us every day, I can honestly say I see a change. A good change. And so could you.

Living a strong life..now there’s true success. Ready to explore the possibilities?

Book Review: Daisy Chain

2009-05-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

DAISY CHAIN

Defiance Texas Trilogy Book 1

By Mary DeMuth

Zondervan

978-310-27836-8

Long before Daisy Chance went missing, Jed Pepper knew that life was unpredictable.

Long before weeks passed without any word from his best friend, Jed Pepper knew life wasn’t fair.

Long before the final tragedy played out, Jed Pepper knew well that life didn’t give a person what they deserved.

But then Jed knew a lot of hard things about life by the time he’d reached the age of fourteen. But even knowing those things, Jed kept looking for the story to change, for the ending to play out different.

Jed Pepper never gave up hope.

In this poignant coming of age story we see the most horrific nightmare that can be imagined played out in just the first pages. A child goes missing, her last words coming back again and again to haunt the young boy who saw her last. “You’ll regret it.” The words hung on the air, and in the heart of the boy who stubbornly refused to give up home when everyone else did.

Jed Pepper’s life isn’t easy. Living in an abusive home, is it any wonder that he’s got a lot of questions about what God is really like…especially given the one hurting him is his preacher papa? But the one thing Jed does have is hope. And the fragile faith that maybe, just maybe, God cares about him after all.

This book will haunt you long after you turn the last page. The answers aren’t all there, and so leaves you hungry for the next book that’s sure to come. What we do have is this, a story about change. About second chances. And about God’s love shining in the darkest of places.

Don’t miss this one. You’ll surely regret it if you do….

Just a little more....

2009-04-20T23:53:00.000-07:00

This is short because I seem to have forgotten an essential item to survival: Knowing your limits.

All too often, especially when you've got an overwhelming list of work that needs doing the response is to "just get one more things done." I've been doing that "one more item" thing all night and now it's nearly 1am.

Health ought not to be sacrificed for a to - do list. So though I wanted to have a blog up and ready for you this morning, it's time to say enough.

I'm going to bed.

And you know what? I highly suspect you'll all still be here at a much more reasonable hour.

What time do you quit work for the day?

The Survival Kit: Tools to Get us Through: PART 2

2009-04-17T09:42:00.001-07:00

Iceberg Trio
Originally uploaded by Vampire Black Cat

Results 1 - 10 of about 2,060,000 for asperger's syndrome

Where in the world do you begin?

Have you ever seen a picture of an iceburg? Maybe one of those with a diagram that shows you just how one sits in the water? If you have then you know that most of the ice is under the surface, out of sight.

A diagnosis works in the same way. When you’re sitting in the doctor’s office and waiting for them to pull open that yellow folder and decipher all those charts and reports for you, you feel like you’re getting an answer. But the words spoken in the quiet of the tiny room aren’t the answer so much as a lead in for a lot more questions.

The phrase, “That’s just the tip of the iceberg” takes on a whole new meaning.

So like most web-savvy blog readers I’m sure you did exactly what I did. Google becomes your best friend and worst enemy in the space of keystrokes. And if anything you feel that you’re worse off now than when you began.

To survive life’s challenges the most important thing we need is knowledge. So when we set out to obtain that online there are certain questions to keep in mind.

- Who’s offering the info? A website maintained by Mayo Clinic might have more definitive answers on Alzheimer’s than someone’s personal webpage.

- What is the authority of the author? Personal experience websites can be great but check out the “About Me” portion of the page. Is this first hand information or second hand? There’s a big difference.

- Does the person writing this have an agenda? Let’s face it, drug companies off great info on illness, but they also sell the medication to treat it.

- Can this information be verified? If someone has a new treatment or therapy that isn’t listed anywhere else on the internet, it’s highly unlikely to be breaking news. Always do a further search.

The internet is one of the best tools for getting your iceberg, at the least, weighed and measured so you know what you’re dealing with. Next week, we’ll talk about cutting it down to size.

My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment,  
do not let them out of your sight;

Proverbs 3:21

In what ways has the internet helped you face life’s challenges?

The Survival Kit: Tools to Get Us Through: PART 1

2009-04-14T14:00:00.001-07:00

knees
Originally uploaded by t-squared

“Where are the band-aids?!”

The scream brings me out of the manuscript I’m reading and for a moment I’m caught in a rush of thoughts, first and foremost being, “Which of the five kids just screamed?”

This hasn’t even formulated before I’m on my feet and en route with the surety of a mother’s inborn GPS that has already pinpointed precisely where the sobs are coming from.

A quick look reveals nothing serious but the skinned knee isn’t regular, “stand in the box like soldiers ready to do battle against dirt and germs” bandages…this is the gauze pad and tape variety, which is what prompted the cry in the first place. The spilled box of adhesives strips on counter and floor are mute testimony to the child’s attempt to find the right thing alone.

Like my daughter’s fruitless search for the answers that required mom to come through and point her in the right direction, so too do survivors sometimes find themselves adrift. How many times have we taken that thing that has reared it’s head in our lives and looked it with that puzzled consternation usually followed by a voice heavy laden with frustration, “What am I supposed to do with YOU?”

For us it was the oldest and his diagnosis with Asperger’s Syndrome. The internet gave information aplenty, but some of it was conflicting and most of it was, well, downright confusing.

This week in my blogs I’m going to look at how the right tools makes all the difference. The question is, how do you know which tool is the one you need for the job? When you’re facing a huge life challenge such as an illness or a special needs child you’ll quickly find that not every authority is weighted the same.

So where do you go? How do you find the tools you need? Join me this week and we’ll talk about it. Yep, this is a two-way street. Leave a comment and let’s get the ball rolling.

Where do you begin when life hands you a challenge?

Where Do I Belong?

2009-02-19T10:32:00.000-08:00

Last night a Twitter post put me in the mood for this song. "Home" from the musical version of "Beauty and the Beast" has got to be one of my favorites of all time. (And isn't the girl who sings it amazing? I spent an hour with my girls wandering through her videos...WELL worth the look).

For a survivor Home sometimes becomes an uncertainty. A question. Which is why this song speaks so strongly to me. Not every home is a Norman Rockwell painting. Does that make one stop trying to find that place though? Either in the arms of one you love in real life? Or in a song in a musical that carries your mind to somewhere outside yourself for even a short time.

This week I read a lecture for a class I was taking and it came to a part that involved self-hypnosis. The idea behind it is to close your eyes and put yourself in your happy place...your true home...and to visualize yourself doing something that would make you not only happy, but PROUD, with the idea this helps you to change your attitude. Well, I'm game for new things. The problem comes when I close my eyes and try to find 'home.'

Where is home? My mind wanders over beaches and forests, valleys and mountains...looking for that place where I am at peace. Yet I settle no one place for long. I think...that maybe I'm going about this wrong. My life has been without peace for too long...and I'm going to the wrong place to find it.

Peace isn't in a picture from a travel brochure. It only comes from my heavenly Father. So, closing my eyes I seek HIM first. And finally find home.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

Where is YOUR home?

No Worries, eh?

2009-02-10T11:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes survival means just getting through that next day…that next hour…that next minute.

Today is one of those, "let’s get through the next minute” days. With one child that woke up in the middle of the night with yet one more ear infection…and another that started throwing up at school and needed to come home…well I know about surviving that next minute. I’m not worrying so much about what I’m going to make for dinner tonight as I am about keeping the little ones calm and comforted.

Minute to minute living serves a purpose that we can never see when we’re IN that state. Only afterwards,do we see it. When we're looking back and wondering just how we got through that crisis (and there was one I remember with five kids sick where both my husband and I had it too….) .

We get through because we have to. We get through because we’re not doing it alone. We get through because God is right there with us as we live from minute to minute, from moment to moment until the crisis is past.

Today over at Pete Wilson’s Blog he was talking about worry and asked the question what things are worrying you. I’m an expert at it. As a child the ability to see what could go wrong in any situation and then act to head it off, kept me safe. Even in my adult life I have used worry as a means of protection.

The problem, though, with worrying is that you never can enjoy life fully when you are. Sure you might have seen that storm coming and were prepared with everything you needed to batten down the hatches, but is it ever possible to live in the NOW and enjoy it fully with the spector of worry hanging over us?

Seems a funny thing to think about when we’re talking about survival doesn’t it? But just because today I’m living today from moment to moment, doesn’t mean that I can’t take those moments like right now when one sick child is curled up in bed snuggly warm while the other is tormenting the cat, and find something to enjoy in them. Like the fact that no one is throwing up right this minute. And that it really is cute the way my youngest drags that poor feline around.

So today I’m exploring a new concept for me. Living in the moment without worry. Surviving…but still thriving.

What about you? What worries have got you down?

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?” Matthew 6:25

Graffiti After Midnight

2008-07-11T23:17:00.001-07:00

the graffiti artist
Originally uploaded by [windscreenfly.com]

I won't give up again.

A single sentence in paint the color of dried blood on the back wall of an abandoned factory. It's one of those moments I wish I'd had a camera to capture the image. How do I describe the words somewhat askew, not penned neatly or even artistically the way some do. Just letters, penned in the quick strokes of paint can, drips visible where the letters ran before they dried against the bricks.

I won't give up again.

I wish I knew which denizen of this neighborhood penned these words. I wish I could find them and ask, bluntly and nosily perhaps...what led to this sentence? The writer in me longs to know the story. But more importantly I want to know...are you OK? Are you surviving? Or have you, in spite of courage in red paint, given up again?

These handful of words have stayed with me more than a year since I saw them. I suspect this has something to do with that deep thrumming I felt in my chest when I saw them. That recognition that someone else knew what it was to give up. And then...to stand up and try again.

And more than that...they shouted it to the world. In rust colored letters, flaking away in the summer sun. A silent declaration that this time, this time they would not fail.

I can't help but admire that. It's hard enough to admit that I've messed up. That yes, I too have reached a point where I've thrown in the towel. More than once. But to shout to the world that it won't happen again? That makes me accountable, not just to me but to the rest of the world.

Wow. Bold. Brave. And just a touch scary...

...and high time, don't you think? Tonight then let me adopt these words as my own.

I won't give up again.

Amen. So be it.

Things I Learned From the Drive

2008-05-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

1. There is no such thing as an early start.

2. Projected time to get there means absolutely nothing.

3. When on a 340 mile drive DO NOT keep dividing the number of miles traveled by how long you've been on the road to figure your average. It's enough to make you turn around and go home.

4. Forget the cooler. Always buy fresh drinks on the road just so you get out of the car once in a while.

5. Twittering while driving is hazardous not just to your health but to everything on or near the roadway.

6. Twittering at stops is GREAT for people to track you so long as Twitter is working properly.

7. If you twitter the word "accident" expect people to call you on your cell phone.

8. Backroads may take longer but you find the most delicious things along the way (Johnny Depp and Christian Bale....*drool*)

9. Trucks WILL watch out for the little car...

10. I'm not just safe at home. I can be safe anywhere. Really.

Hitting the Road

2008-05-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

I live with anxiety but I don't suffer from it anymore.

About five years ago I had my first panic attack. I was driving on the expressway, surrounded by semi-trucks doing about 70. I had no idea what was wrong with me and I was frightened so badly by it I wound up in the emergency room. This was my introduction to general anxiety disorder.

Over the next year I had several more attacks. I tried medication but the side effects only made things worse. Finally I just quit driving altogether. The idea of being behind the wheel with children in the car was just too frightening.

This lasted for three years.

Finally, I had enough. I had anxiety...why was I allowing it to have me? So I started small. Trips to the library and grocery store. Working my way up to Wal-Mart and the movie theater a dozen miles away. Finally in the last few months, the expressway again, 50 miles at once!

This isn't a clear cut victory. Do I still get panic attacks? Well, not as often as I used to. And occasionally I'll tense up a little behind the wheel. BUT, I'm no longer letting it run my life.

Today is my biggest step in that direction. Today I'll get behind the wheel with only my 9yo daughter for company, and I'll drive 300 miles to visit my mother. It should be an awesome trip and I intend to take a lot of pictures along the way.

Am I scared? A little. But I'm no longer letting it run my life.

1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.

2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62

Welcome....

2007-11-27T11:32:00.000-08:00

Earlier today I was having a conversation with a friend in chat. We'd been talking about our novels and finally the conversation meandered around to our personal lives as it was wont to do. Specifically it focussed on a task I needed to perform. A favor I needed to ask that I wasn't the most comfortable about. At my hesitation he asked me, "Have you done it yet?" (and please forgive me for paraphrasing because the significance of this didn't hit me until after I'd left the chat.)

Me: No. I was trying to identify this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Him: Fear.
Me: Thanks. Now that I've named the knot in my belly I'll be sure to buy it a bowl and a collar and build a little house out for it in the yard.
Him: Only if you feed it.
Me: THAT shouldn't be a problem.

Then what was said truly struck me, long after the conversation was over. (And yes, the favor was asked - which wasn't as horrifying as I thought it would be).

Fear will only live with us so long as we do just that. Make a home for it. Build it a house within us and yes, feed it regularly.

The Bible teaches us that fear of the Lord is a good thing. But the other kind of fear traps us, keeps us from moving forward. It makes tasks seem a lot larger and more daunting than they ought to be, like the favor I needed to ask.

I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
~ Psalm 34:4

As I travel with you in the days and weeks to come I pray that I'll be able to lay aside what fear I have of placing my words out here in this public forum. It's a daunting task I have before me as I know from experience that while my words might touch a chord now and again, that occasionally someone might misunderstand what I'm trying to say.

Thankfully I'm not alone in doing it.

Welcome to my Blog. I'm glad you came.