About five years ago I had my first panic attack. I was driving on the expressway, surrounded by semi-trucks doing about 70. I had no idea what was wrong with me and I was frightened so badly by it I wound up in the emergency room. This was my introduction to general anxiety disorder.
Over the next year I had several more attacks. I tried medication but the side effects only made things worse. Finally I just quit driving altogether. The idea of being behind the wheel with children in the car was just too frightening.
This lasted for three years.
Finally, I had enough. I had anxiety...why was I allowing it to have me? So I started small. Trips to the library and grocery store. Working my way up to Wal-Mart and the movie theater a dozen miles away. Finally in the last few months, the expressway again, 50 miles at once!
This isn't a clear cut victory. Do I still get panic attacks? Well, not as often as I used to. And occasionally I'll tense up a little behind the wheel. BUT, I'm no longer letting it run my life.
Today is my biggest step in that direction. Today I'll get behind the wheel with only my 9yo daughter for company, and I'll drive 300 miles to visit my mother. It should be an awesome trip and I intend to take a lot of pictures along the way.
Am I scared? A little. But I'm no longer letting it run my life.
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
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